California Wilderness: Pure Self-Compassion

Jameson Hubbs (trail name: Coyote) shares how his experience in the wilderness has changed his relationship to self:

 

It's fascinating to shiver and sweat in the same day. From cloudless desert heat waves to relentless thunderstorms, the weather of the Domelands expresses the spontaneity, the intensity, the sheer spectacle of California. In our temporary homeland, nestled on a desert river between stony mountain ridges, my own intuition becomes impossible to ignore. My outer environment is as still as the beaver-dammed creek; my inner wilderness becomes simply irrepressible. 

Decade-old insecurities buried in my subconscious resurface as my ego is drained of external stimulation, an inevitable healing process unique to the backcountry. My normal craze of the intensities of bohemian UCSC life is absent in the inward journey as the Domelands quiet my external cravings. 

Here, I just be. I be with my true self, my natural environment, and be with my psychological vulnerabilities instead of being consumed by thoughts. Pure self-compassion. Fears of inner weakness, poor decision making, and the issues of the 21st century surface in my mind, but I learn to listen and release. Some of these insecurities would previously spiral me into depression, but I now master the art of knowing that I am more than the thoughts that fly through my head. It's interesting how I must let go in order to grow. As William Everson- whose esoteric poems we read throughout this trip- puts it, "it is the ancient paradox: you have to lose your life in order to gain it."

This life I've gained throughout the journey of the inner-wilderness is best described by Joseph Campbell's idea to follow your bliss. My intuition grows enormously and ecstatic experiences present themselves more and more as I continue to let go of the ego. To name a few:
-Impulsively going on a solo hike to watch a mountain sunrise with deep-violet skies, rainbows, and distant lightning flashes complemented by the song of coyotes
-Climbing high up the stone mountain peaks with a few other friends
-Starting a moonlit drum circle dance party on our festival day

While sad thoughts of the imminent end of my experience with my amazing Sierra Institute tribe continually resurface, negative emotions decrease more and more as I proceed to master the art of being my self, here, and now. This practice is the greatest gift I will ever receive, and is the infinite value I'm getting from this experience. 

The Tradition of Trail Names

You may have noticed that Sierra Institute students sometimes refer to themselves by two different names, their real name and an assumed one. Somewhere in the past history of Sierra Institute, it became an informal tradition for students to take on trail names. It has always been optional, and it has always varied considerably group by group as to how many students actually adopt a temporary name.

The basic tone of trail names is playful and, similar to nicknames, their use has a way of conveying intimacy. Sometimes a trail name arises as the group characterizes or teases an individual in a certain way. More often, a student chooses their own name.

In my own programs, I often introduce the trail name option with a more earnest slant to complement the playful approach. I liken the 9-week program to a "heroic journey" as described by mythologist Joseph Campbell, among others. In that journey, the hero leaves the known and familiar world to embark on an adventure that includes challenges and lessons and finally concludes with a return to their original community. Upon return, they bring a new and enriched self to share with others as a gift. To take on a trail name can be a way of emphasizing the "separation phase" of the heroic journey. Not only is the hero leaving family and friends, they are also leaving their established identity behind to explore new possibilities of self.

-Walker, aka Autumn Fox